Folding Clothes - Joy

Happy Friday, everyone.

             Today is a very special day.  Today is John and my six-month wedding anniversary.  It is wild to me that we make six months today, LOL!  While six months may not seem like a big deal, it is.  If you are married, then you understand that marriage is so beautiful and hard at the same time. 

A few weeks ago, I was folding some clothes of John and mine after finishing up laundry.  As I was folding a pair of boxers, I started to smile.  I was smiling because I remember when I was single, I never thought about one day folding my husband’s boxers.  I do remember praying for a husband, but not really thinking about all the other details, responsibilities and selflessness that comes with marriage.   

            Some of you may know, that on New Years Eve, John and I received awful news about his mom.  Three days later on January 3rd, she passed away and went home to Glory with Christ, where she lives in joy, wholeness, and peace.  Her passing was extremely sudden, unexpected and a grievous loss.  Our wedding was set for January 12th, only five days after the funeral.  In all honesty, those first twelve days of the year, felt like one long hour and yet it all happened so fast.  There are times when it feels like a blur and others when each moment is so vivid.

            Once it was all said and done, I remember having a moment to myself as I was walking towards the car.  I began to sob and say to the Lord, “I don’t understand.  How could you do this to us?  How could you allow this to happen and allow it to happen now?  We get married in five days, why would you let this happen now?  How do we move from such grief to joy?  I’m so confused, I’m so angry, I don’t understand.”  As soon as I finished saying all of that, I heard these words “The joy set before Him.”  It comes from, Hebrews 12:2, “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  I responded back to the Holy Spirit with; “I don’t see an ounce of joy here.   All I see is grief, pain, and suffering.  Where is the joy?”  In truth, I didn’t get another response from the Holy Spirit, but that verse kept ringing in my heart and five days later, we were married.

             Today, six months later, I can see the joy.  I have experienced the joy and I am living in the Joy that is Christ and with John <3.

             There is a lot of “after” when it comes to death.  There’s a lot of questions, feelings, processing, etc.  Grief in no way is linear.  It is disruptive, spontaneous and can make you feel guilty for having joy.  But joy, joy is life - giving.  Joy is hope.  Joy is peace.  Joy is fullness.  Joy is gratitude. 

             When thinking of that scripture verse and reading it, it’s obvious that Jesus wasn’t “joyful” going to the cross.  The verse says, he endured the cross.  He endured the cross because of the joy set before Him, meaning the “after.”  That “after” is you and me.  That “after” is salvation.  That “after” is, it is finished!  “When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, 'It is finished,' and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit” (John 19:30)

            Being married now for six few months, lol, I can see how tragedy and trauma can either make or break a relationship.  I see that we must be tied to Christ in this thing because it is costly.  Costly doesn’t mean bad but it means, high value, work, most things that are of high value are expensive because they’re worth it.

            To my husband, as we continue to walk in joy hand in hand, I want to thank you.  You have never folded or given up.  What was probably the hardest beginning of the year of your life, you have kept Jesus front and center and loved me along the way.  You have been honest, kind, too kind for words to ever describe and willing to keep on going despite pain that has come.  You put Christ before me and in that you actually put me first.  You have given me joy because I see the Lord in you.  Our marriage isn’t perfect, but I love it and I love you.  We have laughed so much together these last six months.  We have laughed more than we have cried. 

             I love you, my love.  You’re my greatest gift on this side of eternity.  I love being your wife.  I leave you with this, Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried.

 Here's to the next days, weeks, months, and years.  All my love, Vanessa.